110 Yo Mama Jokes To Leave Your Friend Speechless

When the Snap Turns into a Standing Ovation

Thanos was prepared to eliminate half the universe with a snap of his fingers, but when *Yo Mama* walked in, he had to step it up to a full-on clap. I mean, we’re talking about the guy who made the Avengers sweat, but apparently even he needs an upgrade when it comes to handling all that.

Yo mama’s so fat, Thanos had to clap.

Imagine the look on his face as he realizes a simple snap just won’t cut it. Did he start a slow clap, hoping she’d just walk out? Or was it more of an “encore performance” deal? Either way, it’s probably the first time Thanos had to work overtime.

Blocking the Big Bang

It was the dawn of creation, the very first “Let there be light” moment, and there she was — the ultimate photobomb. God’s all ready to bring light into the world, but suddenly has to politely ask *Yo Mama* to take a step to the side. Who knew the first commandment would be “Thou shalt not block the sun”?

Yo mama’s so fat, when God said, “Let there be light,” he asked her to move out of the way.

Imagine the scene: the universe on the brink of existence, stars lining up for their big debut, and meanwhile, *Yo Mama* is casting the largest shadow known to mankind. Even God had to pause, because evidently, not even divine power can illuminate around her.

Soup-er Confused

When someone said it was “chilly outside,” *Yo Mama* didn’t reach for a coat or scarf. Nope, she was all set with a spoon, a bowl, and some shredded cheese for garnish. Ready to ladle herself a serving of fresh air soup, she stepped outside, only to find that her “chilly” was more brisk breeze than bean and beef.

Yo mama’s so stupid when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.

You gotta admire the commitment, though. Most people would shiver and head back in, but there she was, bowl in hand, probably wondering why no one was serving it up. It’s safe to say she’s the first to experience disappointment in both weather and her dinner plans at the same time.

Falling for the Wi-Fi

In a world where we’re all navigating invisible signals, *Yo Mama* is out here face-planting over Wi-Fi. While the rest of us are worried about buffering, she’s over here trying to find the bruise from her “wireless incident.” Forget dead zones—she’s created a whole new hazard zone.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.

Imagine the scene: she’s strolling through the house, when suddenly… BAM! Down she goes, convinced she just tripped over the internet. Should someone tell her to reboot, or are we just going to let her struggle through the “high-speed hurdles” of the modern age?

The Walking Artifact

When *Yo Mama* went to the museum, she didn’t realize she’d be the main attraction. She took one step towards the exit, and suddenly the alarms were blaring, security scrambling, and the docent frantically checking inventory. Guess they thought an ancient relic was making a break for it!

Yo mama’s so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went of

Imagine the museum staff, nervously whispering, “Wasn’t that one supposed to be in the ‘Prehistoric Wonders’ exhibit?” Even the mummies in the back were like, “Hey, lady, you’re making us look young.” Next time, maybe she should stick to the gift shop. At least those artifacts are meant to leave with visitors.

Full-Body Headshot

When *Yo Mama* went to get her driver’s license, the photographer had to zoom out… way out. Now, instead of the usual headshot, she’s got a full-length portrait, from head to toe, right there on her ID. The DMV didn’t know whether to give her a license or frame it as modern art.

Yo mama’s so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license.

Imagine pulling that ID out at airport security. The TSA’s probably wondering if they’re checking in a driver or a tiny stunt double. At least she never has to worry about someone saying, “Is this really you?” One look at those feet, and they know it’s her.

Reaching New Heights of Confusion

When you said, “Drinks on the house,” *Yo Mama* took it literally—and immediately started looking for a ladder. Forget the bar tab; she’s out there scaling the roof, thinking the bartender must’ve set up a rooftop beverage station just for her. Talk about a serious misunderstanding of happy hour.

Yo mama’s so stupid, when I said, “Drinks on the house,” she got a ladder.

Imagine her disappointment when she finally makes it to the top and finds nothing but shingles and a confused pigeon. Meanwhile, everyone else is just kicking back, enjoying their “on the house” drinks without breaking a sweat. Guess she’s taking “elevated drinking” to a whole new level.

The Never-Ending Weigh-In

When *Yo Mama* stepped on the scale, she was expecting a number, but apparently her weight needed a two-part series. Instead of flashing a simple result, the scale dramatically announced, “To be continued,” like it’s the season finale of her health journey. Guess even digital devices have to brace themselves sometimes.

Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: “To be continued.”

Imagine the poor scale, desperately blinking, probably sweating, as it scrambles to calculate. It’s practically saying, “Stay tuned for next week’s shocking conclusion!” All she wanted was a quick check-in, but it looks like she’s got herself a whole mini-series.

Royal with Cheese Nostalgia

Back in *Yo Mama’s* day, Burger King wasn’t ruling over anything yet—he was still just a fresh-faced Prince, dreaming of a crown and working the register. She remembers the days before the Whopper even existed, when his majesty’s menu was nothing but fries, hope, and maybe a soda fountain.

Yo mama’s so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

Imagine the stories she could tell about “Prince Burger” trying to win over customers with his humble patties and ambitions. These days, he’s got the crown, but *Yo Mama* will always remember him as that kid from the fryer, before he made it big in the fast-food monarchy.

Serving Up Ancient History

Apparently, *Yo Mama* was around for one of the most famous meals in history. She wasn’t just attending; she was out there in full apron, handing out bread and refilling wine glasses like it was just another Thursday. Guess we can thank her for making sure everyone was well-fed before, you know… history happened.

Yo mama’s so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Imagine her saying, “Table for 26? Oh, just one side?” as she arranged the iconic seating. You know she probably muttered, “So dramatic,” when she heard it was called the *Last* Supper. Leave it to her to add some side-eye to a sacred moment.

A Face That Scares for Success

When *Yo Mama* walked into that haunted house, the ghosts didn’t stand a chance. They took one look at her and realized they’d met their match. Before she even made it to the first jump scare, management was sliding her a job application and begging her to “start immediately.”

Yo mama’s so ugly, she walked into a Haunted House and walked back out wit a job application.

Imagine her confusion, thinking she was just there for a fun scare, only to leave with a permanent gig. And let’s be honest, she’s probably the only employee who doesn’t need makeup or a mask. Why pay for special effects when you’ve got *Yo Mama* working the door?

Binge-Watching Blocker

When *Yo Mama* walks in front of the TV, it’s not just a quick interruption—it’s a full-on season finale cliffhanger. She’s blocking entire plot arcs, character developments, and at least three “Previously on” recaps. By the time she moves, I’ve got no idea who’s still alive, who’s in love, or why there’s suddenly a dragon on screen.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Honestly, she’s like the ultimate commercial break, except way longer and way harder to fast-forward. Forget “Netflix and chill”; it’s more like “Netflix and wait until *Yo Mama* finishes her grand tour of the living room.”

Goodbye Kitty

You know it’s serious when even Hello Kitty, the queen of kindness, is packing up her little pink suitcase and saying, “Nope, I’m out.” *Yo Mama* walked in, and instead of her signature wave, Hello Kitty just quietly slipped out the back door with a “Thanks, but no thanks” expression.

Yo mama’s so ugly, even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

Imagine the scene: bows dropping, cartoon hearts breaking, and Hello Kitty speed-walking away like it’s a fire drill. When a face that friendly says goodbye, you know the situation’s rough. Even cuteness has its limits, apparently!

Scaling New Levels of Cluelessness

*Yo Mama* saw a clear glass wall and thought it was some kind of next-level mystery. So instead of just looking, she’s out here scaling it like she’s on a covert mission to “find the other side.” Spoiler alert: it’s exactly what she can already see… because, you know, glass.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Picture her, huffing and puffing, finally making it over, only to realize she’s right back where she started. All that effort, and she could’ve just leaned in a little closer. But hey, sometimes curiosity means getting a full cardio workout for no reason.

Redefining “Headspace”

When *Yo Mama* heard it was time to “make up her mind,” she took things a little too literally. Instead of, you know, deciding on something, she grabbed the brightest lipstick she could find and gave her forehead a fresh coat. Now her thoughts have a bold new look—too bad it’s not helping her think any clearer.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind

Imagine the stares she gets walking around with a glossy red forehead, fully convinced she’s cracked the code of decision-making. Well, at least her mind’s made up… even if it’s more “cosmetic confusion” than clarity.

Welcome to the Republic of Yo Mama

It’s official: *Yo Mama* is now recognized as a sovereign nation. After a small but determined militia staged a successful “coup,” her lands (formerly known as her couch) have been declared the Republic of Yo Mama. The flag? A half-eaten bag of chips flapping majestically in the breeze.

Yo mama’s so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she’s known as the Republic of Yo Mama.

Imagine the diplomatic complications. Are passports required to enter her kitchen? Is there a national anthem, or just the sound of reality TV in the background? Either way, it looks like she’s found a way to make a truly massive impact on the world stage… literally.

When Gravity Gets the Last Laugh

Usually, it’s polite not to laugh when someone takes a tumble. But in *Yo Mama’s* case, the sidewalk couldn’t hold back. One step, one slip, and suddenly the pavement was cracking up—literally. Who knew concrete had a sense of humor?

Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Picture the scene: cracks spreading, streetlights flickering, maybe a faint tremor. She didn’t just fall; she gave the whole block a reason to giggle. Hey, it’s not every day you see the ground itself breaking up over someone’s sense of gravity.

Bargain Hunting, Trash Day Edition

When *Yo Mama* goes shopping, she skips the store and heads straight for the curb. Trash day rolls around, and there she is, sprinting after the garbage truck with a grocery list, ready to score some “discounts.” Why bother with coupons when you can get everything at 100% off?

Yo mama’s so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.

Picture the neighbors, trying to decide if they should cheer her on or just pretend they don’t see her rifling through yesterday’s leftovers. She’s the only person who can turn a dumpster dive into a full-blown shopping spree. Talk about being thrifty!

The Original Account Holder

When it comes to *Yo Mama*, they didn’t even need extra digits. She’s so old, her Social Security number is literally just “1.” Forget the usual nine numbers—they handed her a single digit and called it a day. Talk about being first in line!

Yo mama’s so old, her social security number is one.

Imagine her handing that over at the bank. The teller’s probably thinking, “Is this a Social Security number or a VIP pass to history?” When you’re rocking a number that low, every senior discount practically applies itself.

Endangered by Fashion Choices

If *Yo Mama* decides to splurge on a fur coat, wildlife conservationists are gonna need a hotline. We’re talking about entire species holding their breath, hoping she sticks to cotton. One shopping spree, and it’s “farewell” to a whole ecosystem.

Yo mama’s so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

Imagine her strutting down the street, wrapped in what took an entire habitat to create. PETA would probably throw her a parade, complete with banners that say, “Please, not the mink!” If only fashion didn’t have such a high environmental impact… in her case, literally.

The Doughnut Dilemma

*Yo Mama* walked back to the bakery, doughnut in hand, demanding a refund for “damaged goods.” She couldn’t believe they’d try to pass off a pastry with a hole in it—“Who’s in charge of quality control here?!” Forget the fact that it’s supposed to be that way; she’s convinced she got shortchanged.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she returned a doughnut because it had a hole in it.

Imagine the cashier trying to explain the concept of a doughnut hole while she’s out there asking for “the rest of her snack.” Let’s just say, if she ever discovers bagels, the bakery staff might need a vacation.

Sugar Shock for Dracula

When a vampire went in for a midnight snack, *Yo Mama* turned out to be a little too sweet. One sip, and the poor creature was scrambling for an insulin shot, muttering something about “too much sugar in the diet.” It’s probably the first time a bloodsucker had to reconsider his whole meal plan.

Yo mama’s so fat, a vampire sucked her blood and got diabetes.

Imagine Dracula at the doctor’s office, getting the bad news about his “blood sugar levels.” Thanks to *Yo Mama*, the next time he’s thirsty, he’ll be reading nutrition labels before he bites. Who knew she’d be the one to make vampires go low-carb?

Rinsing in the Fast Lane

When *Yo Mama* wants to freshen up, she doesn’t bother with a regular shower. Nope, she’s rolling into the local car wash, ready to take on the high-powered rinse cycle. The scrubbers, the foam, the high-pressure jets—it’s all just part of her deluxe “self-care” routine.

Yo mama’s so fat, she goes to the car wash to take showers.

Imagine the car wash staff watching her walk in, wondering if they need to hit the “SUV setting.” Meanwhile, she’s just there, living her best life under the neon soap and hot wax. Talk about taking “wash and go” to a whole new level!

Slow Cooking Minute Rice

When *Yo Mama* decides to whip up some minute rice, she somehow turns it into a feature-length production. That one-minute promise? Not on her watch. She’s stirring, checking the clock, probably even calling customer support, trying to figure out why it’s taking so long.

Yo mama’s so dumb, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

Imagine her standing over the stove, setting timers, and giving updates like, “Any minute now…” Meanwhile, everyone else has already finished dinner. It’s like she’s reinventing the concept of “fast food”—just, you know, in reverse.

License to Drive… Through History

*Yo Mama’s* driver’s license is so ancient, they didn’t even bother with numbers. Instead, they just carved it in hieroglyphics. Her birthdate? It’s listed as “Year of the First Pyramid.” Don’t even ask about her organ donor status—it’s probably symbolized by an ankh.

Yo mama’s so old, her driver’s license got hieroglyphics on it.

Imagine the DMV clerk trying to decipher her info with a Rosetta Stone app, muttering, “I didn’t sign up for ancient archaeology.” She’s not just renewing her license; she’s practically updating a museum exhibit.

Born Before the Warranty Ran Out

*Yo Mama’s* birth certificate doesn’t just show her age—it’s stamped with “Expired,” like she’s a carton of milk left in the back of the fridge. The doctor probably handed it over with a shrug, saying, “Well, she came with an expiration date… take it or leave it!”

Yo mama’s so old, her birth certificate says expired on it.

Imagine trying to use that at the DMV. They’d be like, “Ma’am, this paperwork is as outdated as the dinosaurs.” She’s not just an old soul—she’s practically past her “best by” date.

Wide Angles Only

When *Yo Mama* wants a selfie, regular mode just doesn’t cut it—she’s got to switch to panoramic. That way, she can fit the whole view in one go without cropping. It’s less “selfie” and more “scenic tour,” but hey, she’s just working with what she’s got.

Yo mama’s so fat she takes selfies in panoramic mode.

Imagine her holding up the phone, slowly sweeping from side to side like she’s capturing the Grand Canyon. By the time she’s done, she’s got a masterpiece… and probably a mild arm cramp. She’s not just taking selfies—she’s making a cinematic experience.

Baptism by Splash Zone

When *Yo Mama* needed a baptism, the local church couldn’t handle it—so they had to book the main tank at Sea World. Forget the sprinkle of holy water; she got the full Shamu treatment, with front-row spectators covered in ponchos. Now that’s what you call a blessed splash!

Yo mama’s so fat she had to have her baptism at sea world.

Imagine the announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome today’s special baptismal event!” Guests thought they were there for a whale show, but instead they witnessed the holiest cannonball of all time. *Yo Mama* didn’t just get baptized—she made it a water park event.

Acrobatics in the Dust Bunnies

*Yo Mama’s* so short, she doesn’t just fit under the bed—she’s practically doing gymnastics down there. While most people would struggle to reach a dropped sock, she’s out there performing backflips like she’s in her own miniature gymnastics arena.

Yo mama’s so short she can backflip under the bed.

Imagine the next time you look for her, only to find her mid-flip, dodging dust bunnies like it’s an Olympic sport. She’s not just hiding under the bed; she’s turning it into a full-on floor routine. Watch out, world—she’s raising the bar (underneath it, anyway).

Accidental Landing Zone

The last time *Yo Mama* threw on a Red Cross T-shirt, the skies got a little crowded. A rescue helicopter spotted her from above and immediately began descending, thinking they’d found the designated landing zone. Who knew that a fashion choice could cause an air traffic incident?

Yo mama’s so fat, the last time she wore a Red Cross t-shirt, a helicopter tried to land in her.

Imagine her confusion as the chopper comes closer, and the pilot’s on the radio saying, “We’re approaching the target.” She thought she was just showing some support for a good cause, but apparently, she’s also a makeshift helipad. Talk about making a landing impression!

The Pre-History Era of Yo Mama

*Yo Mama* is so old, she was around before there was even a need for history class. Back in her day, the curriculum was just “current events,” because there was nothing else to study! She didn’t learn about ancient civilizations—she *met* them.

Yo mama’s so old that when she was in school, there was no history class.

Imagine the teacher walking in, saying, “Alright class, open your books to… wait, never mind.” With *Yo Mama* in attendance, every lesson was more of a “breaking news” update. She didn’t just live through history; she helped kickstart it.

The Global Waistline

When it comes to *Yo Mama’s* belt size, regular measurements just don’t cut it. She had to go with “equator,” because anything smaller couldn’t handle the job. Forget inches or centimeters—she’s out here needing whole degrees of latitude.

Yo mama so big, her belt size is “equator.”

Imagine her at the store, asking if they have anything in “world map size.” The clerk’s checking the atlas, trying to figure out how to wrap something halfway around the planet. Her waistline doesn’t just make a statement; it makes a whole geographical boundary!

The Underarm Headlock

*Yo Mama’s* armpits are rocking so much hair, it’s like she’s carrying a small friend with her at all times. One quick lift of the arm, and it looks like Buckwheat’s been caught in a headlock he’ll never escape. It’s practically a built-in sidekick situation.

Yo mama’s armpits are so hairy, it looks like she’s got Buckwheat in a headlock

Imagine her at the beach, raising her arms, and people doing double-takes, whispering, “Is that… another person?” Forget razors—she’s keeping things au naturel, and apparently, that includes some unexpected guests.

When Stationary Objects Become a Hazard

*Yo Mama* managed to accomplish the impossible: she got hit by a car that wasn’t even moving. One second she’s strolling along, the next—bam!—she’s tangled up with a parked vehicle, somehow losing the battle against something completely stationary.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Imagine her telling the story later: “I don’t know what happened! It just came out of nowhere!” Meanwhile, the car’s been sitting there minding its own business, probably wondering how it ended up in an accident report. She’s redefining what it means to have “bad driving skills.”

Turning the Tables on the Food Chain

When *Yo Mama* heads into the woods, even the bears get nervous. Usually, campers are the ones hiding snacks from wildlife, but with her around, it’s the bears frantically stashing their honey pots and picnic baskets. Yogi and Boo-Boo have never looked so panicked!

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Imagine the scene: a whole forest full of bears tiptoeing around, burying berries and nuts, whispering, “Shh… maybe she won’t notice.” She’s not just camping; she’s creating a wildlife food crisis. It’s survival of the fittest… or at least, survival of whatever’s well-hidden!

The Global Selfie Queen

*Yo Mama’s* selfies are so epic that her phone camera can’t even handle it—she’s gotta zoom out to Google Earth just to fit herself in the frame. While the rest of us are snapping headshots, she’s out here capturing whole continents. Now that’s what you call wide-angle.

Yo mama’s so fat, she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.

Imagine her scrolling through the satellite view, finding the perfect angle, and saying, “Yep, that’s my good side!” NASA probably thinks she’s a new landmass. Forget filters; her selfies require full-on satellite coverage.

Ready for the Pop Quiz… at the Clinic

*Yo Mama* heard she had to take a Covid test, so naturally, she cracked open a textbook and started studying. Flashcards, highlighters, even a study group—it’s like she thought she’d be quizzed on the symptoms. “What do I need to know about the nasal swab?” she asked, with serious dedication.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she studied for a Covid test.

Imagine her walking into the clinic, confidently reciting facts about viruses, ready to impress the nurse. Meanwhile, they’re just trying to swab her nose. If effort counted for anything, she’d pass with flying colors… but unfortunately, that’s not quite how it works.

Not Winning at the Candy Factory

*Yo Mama* got her big break at the M&M factory… until she started chucking out all the “W’s.” She saw those upside-down candies and figured they were factory rejects, tossing them out by the handful. Management was not impressed with her “quality control” skills.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W’s.

Imagine the boss trying to explain, “No, they’re all M’s!” while she insists she’s just doing her job. She thought she was cleaning up the production line, but all she managed was to give a whole new meaning to “losing the W’s.”

Double-Sided Family Affair

*Yo Mama* is so big, she managed to take over both branches of the family tree. Show up at a reunion, and there she is, counted on both sides, making sure her presence is felt from every angle. It’s like she’s her own family gathering.

Yo mama’s so fat, she’s on both sides of the family.

Imagine the family photo: one side of the family waves, then they realize she’s already on the other side, too. Why settle for just one branch when you can cover the whole tree? She’s not just part of the family—she practically *is* the family.

A National Day of Fright

*Yo Mama* is so scary, the government didn’t just give her a warning—they rescheduled Halloween to match her birthday. They figured, why bother with fake ghouls and goblins when you’ve got the real deal? Now, every year, people prep for her big day with extra candy and locked doors.

Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Imagine the announcement: “Due to overwhelming fear, Halloween has been rescheduled to coincide with *Yo Mama’s* birthday.” Kids get double the terror, and neighbors get double the security. She’s not just spooky—she’s officially calendar-worthy.

When the Ducks Feel Generous

*Yo Mama* is so poor, even the ducks at the pond took pity on her. Instead of waddling over for a handout, they’re pelting her with breadcrumbs, trying to help her out. It’s like a reverse feeding frenzy—except this time, she’s the one getting showered with carbs.

Yo mama’s so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Imagine her showing up to the park, only to get ambushed by a gang of sympathetic ducks tossing stale baguettes. Who knew waterfowl could be so charitable? She’s turned “feeding the ducks” into “getting fed by the ducks.”

The Literal Time Saver

*Yo Mama* thought she’d get a head start on “saving time,” so she dropped a watch into her piggy bank and called it a day. She even gave herself a pat on the back for her new “investment strategy,” completely missing the point of, well, everything.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Imagine her proudly shaking the piggy bank, saying, “I’ve got hours in here!” Meanwhile, everyone else is just wondering if she’s planning to save up for common sense next. She’s not just banking time—she’s wasting it in the most creative way possible.

The Cookie Monster of the Internet

When *Yo Mama* heard about “cookies” on the internet, she didn’t hesitate—she went straight for her computer like it was snack time. One cracked screen and a mouthful of plastic later, she was still wondering where the chocolate chips were.

Yo mama’s so dumb, when she heard about cookies on the Internet, she ate her computer.

Imagine her calling tech support, chewing on a keyboard, asking, “So, where are the rest of the cookies?” She’s not just hungry for information—she’s taking data consumption way too literally.

The Gorgon’s Gaze Reversal

*Yo Mama’s* so ugly, even Medusa couldn’t handle the sight. One look, and bam—Medusa’s the one who’s petrified! The legendary stone-gazing gorgon finally met her match, turning into her own granite statue faster than you can say “mythology meltdown.”

Yo mama’s so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone.

Imagine the snakes on Medusa’s head, frantically slithering away, thinking, “Nope, we’re out!” *Yo Mama* didn’t just stop a monster; she broke Greek mythology. Now, that’s a look that truly stuns.

Drop-Off Disaster

*Yo Mama’s* so ugly, her morning drop-off turns into a ticketed offense. The second your dad lets her out of the car, the cops are handing him a fine for “littering.” Guess the city’s not a fan of her particular… aesthetic contributions.

Yo mama’s so ugly, when your dad drops her off for work, he gets a fine for littering.

Imagine him trying to explain, “No, officer, that’s my wife!” while they’re already writing up the ticket. She’s redefining “leave no trace” in a way that’s hard to ignore. Who knew drop-offs could be such a legal minefield?

The Human Traffic Light

*Yo Mama’s* teeth are so yellow, she doesn’t even need a stop sign. One smile at traffic, and cars slow down like they’re approaching a yellow light. Forget fancy signals; she’s got all the caution drivers need right there in her grin.

Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow when she smiles at traffic, it slows down.

Imagine drivers squinting, wondering if it’s safe to go or if they should just hit the brakes. She’s practically causing gridlock with a single flash of those pearly… yellows. Who knew a smile could control traffic better than the city’s finest?

Measuring Sleep, One Inch at a Time

*Yo Mama’s* so clueless, she figured the best way to track her sleep was with a ruler. Instead of counting hours, she’s counting inches, thinking, “Wow, I slept a whole 12 inches last night!” Resting up has never been so… confusing.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Imagine her proudly announcing, “I got a solid foot of sleep!” while everyone else wonders if she’s measuring dreams or just lost in her own logic. Who needs a clock when you’ve got a ruler under the pillow?

Customer Service, Even for Thieves

*Yo Mama’s* so helpful, even the local burglars can’t escape her hospitality. When they ran off with her TV, she sprinted after them yelling, “Wait, you forgot the remote!” because, you know, she’s all about that complete viewing experience—even for her robbers.

Yo mama’s so stupid when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting “Wait, you forgot the remote!”

Imagine the thieves looking back, baffled, as she tosses them the remote like it’s a complimentary gift. She’s not just losing her TV; she’s providing full-service theft support. Who knew robbery came with such excellent customer care?

Return Policy Confusion

*Yo Mama’s* so clueless, she walked into the stadium asking for her “quarterback,” expecting to get some change. When they pointed her toward the football field, she got annoyed, saying, “I didn’t ask for a touchdown, I just want my money!”

Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Imagine her disappointment when she found out a quarterback wasn’t part of the refund policy. She’s not just missing the game—she’s fumbling her finances, one coin at a time.

Fast Food Court

When the judge called for “Order in the court,” *Yo Mama* perked up and asked if that came with fries and a shake. She thought she was in a drive-thru instead of a courtroom, ready to give her order like she was about to hit the value menu.

Yo mama’s so stupid, when they said, “Order in the court,” she asked for fries and a shake.

Imagine the judge’s face as she tried to clarify, “Extra ketchup, please!” while everyone else just tried to keep a straight face. She didn’t just misunderstand—she’s redefining legal proceedings, one imaginary combo meal at a time.

The Citrus Stare-Down

*Yo Mama’s* so clueless, she spent half a day giving her orange juice the most intense stare-down, all because the label said “concentrate.” She sat there, eyes locked, determined to unlock some mysterious citrus wisdom that apparently only focused OJ could deliver.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said “concentrate.”

Imagine her sitting there, unblinking, waiting for enlightenment while everyone else just enjoys their breakfast. She didn’t just miss the point—she invented a whole new form of meditation. Who knew juice could be so… mentally taxing?

Ready to Dine at the Super Bowl

*Yo Mama’s* so ready to feast, she showed up to the Super Bowl with a spoon in hand, expecting the biggest bowl of chili ever. She figured with all the hype, there had to be something delicious to dig into, right?

Yo mama’s so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Imagine her disappointment when she realizes it’s just football and not an all-you-can-eat soup buffet. While everyone else is cheering for touchdowns, she’s scanning the field for snacks. Sometimes, game day means different things to different people!

The Snack Side of the Force

*Yo Mama’s* so into her snacks, if she entered the Star Wars universe, she’d roll in as Admiral Snackbar. Instead of leading a fleet, she’d command an all-you-can-eat buffet across the galaxy, ready to serve up cosmic-sized portions to anyone in need.

Yo mama’s so fat, if she was a Star Wars character, her name would be Admira Snackbar.

Imagine the Rebel Alliance trying to strategize while she’s busy mapping out the nearest space pantry. “It’s a trap!”—but only if someone tries to touch her chips. The galaxy’s never seen a hunger for power quite like this!

No Conclusions, Just Casual Strolls

*Yo Mama’s* so chill, she can’t even jump to a conclusion—she’ll just take a leisurely walk and get there when she’s ready. Why rush to assumptions when you can just amble up to them, one slow step at a time?

Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.

Imagine her friends waiting for her opinion, only to see her taking the scenic route through every possibility. By the time she arrives at a decision, everyone’s already moved on. Jumping may be out of the question, but she’s definitely enjoying the view!

Taking “Sitting Around” to a New Level

*Yo Mama’s* got such presence that when she sits around the house, she literally sits *around* the house. No cozy corner for her—she’s embracing the full perimeter like it’s a personal armrest.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.

Imagine coming home to find her occupying every side of the living room, practically creating her own gravity field. She’s not just relaxing; she’s redefining lounge space. Who needs a sectional when she’s got the whole place covered?

Detour of a Lifetime

Yo mama’s so big, avoiding her feels like taking the scenic route around a national park. One swerve to dodge her and suddenly you’re miles down the road, watching your gas gauge hit “E” like it’s a countdown clock.

Yo mama’s so fat, I swerved to miss her and my car and ran out of gas.

At this rate, you’d think she was the reason they built bypasses. Forget Google Maps—next time, you might need a pit stop, a spare tank, and maybe a snack break just to make it past her!

From Coma to Nap—The Ultimate Power Move

Yo mama’s so lazy, her body clock runs on “snooze mode.” Imagine the commitment to sleep it takes to wake up from a coma, glance around, and think, “Yeah, that was exhausting. Time for a nap.”

Yo mama’s so lazy she woke up from a coma and went to sleep.

Most people wake up ready to seize the day, but not her. Nope, she’s setting records in relaxation, putting “rest and recovery” on a whole new level. Who knew sleeping could be a full-time career?

Seeing the World in HD

Yo mama’s glasses are so thick, they practically come with their own postal code. Who needs Google Earth when she can just look at a map and spot people waving back? With those lenses, she could read the fine print on a satellite photo!

Yo mama’s glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving at her.

Forget X-ray vision; she’s got map-ray vision! Next time you’re looking for a missing pet or a lost friend, just hand her an atlas. She’ll probably spot them chilling in a park, waving back like it’s a family reunion.

Taking “Around the Corner” a Bit Too Literally

Yo mama’s so gullible, she treats every figure of speech like a Google Maps instruction. Tell her Christmas is right around the corner, and she’s checking every street and alley for a holiday parade. I mean, she practically grabbed her GPS just to make sure she didn’t miss it!

Yo mama’s so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner – and she looked.

She must’ve thought Santa was lurking behind the mailboxes, ready to jump out with a “Ho ho ho!” I just hope you didn’t tell her New Year’s was coming up next—she’d be running circles around the block looking for the countdown.

Yo Mama: The Blues Muse

Yo mama’s so downbeat, she’s practically the patron saint of sad songs. When blues singers get writer’s block, they don’t hit up Nashville or New Orleans—they swing by her place, armed with a notepad and a lot of tissues. Five minutes in her living room, and they’re jotting down lyrics faster than a Nashville bartender pours whiskey.

Yo mama’s so depressing, blues singers come to visit her when they’ve got writer’s block.

She’s got this vibe that could make a sunny day look like a funeral. Got a heartbreak song to finish? Just ask her about her day, and you’ll be set for three albums and a box set.

Tech-Savvy? Not Quite.

Yo mama’s so clueless with computers, she decided her laptop needed a little “safety feature.” Yep, she actually duct-taped airbags to the screen, just in case the “crash” warning wasn’t a metaphor. Guess she thought that blue screen of death was going to come with some serious impact.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Now every time she opens a browser, she’s ready for impact like she’s on a roller coaster. Gotta hand it to her though, she’s got that “safety first” mentality. Just waiting for her to install a seatbelt on her phone next.

Time Warp TV

Yo mama’s so slow, she thought the title *60 Minutes* was just a “suggestion.” Watching that show is a full-day event for her. She’s probably wondering why the news keeps “cutting to commercial” every few seconds—it’s called buffering, and no, it’s not just a dramatic pause.

Yo mama’s so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

By the time she finally finishes, everyone else has moved on to the next season. But hey, she’s just here for the suspense, right? At least she’s got time for a bathroom break…or seven.

Trapped with a Snack Surplus

Yo mama’s so clueless, she thought being locked in a grocery store meant she couldn’t eat anything. Surrounded by food for days, but somehow decided starvation was the only option—guess she never made it past the “Do Not Open” signs on the freezer section.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she got locked in the grocery store and starved to death.

Imagine the headlines: “Tragic Hunger Strikes in Aisle 7, Despite 24/7 Access to Snacks.” Maybe next time she’ll try opening a bag of chips instead of waiting for a rescue crew.

Wireless Dentistry at Its Finest

Yo mama’s so tech-challenged, she walked into the dentist’s office asking for the latest “Bluetooth upgrade.” Turns out, she thought it was some kind of dental implant that would sync with her phone. The dentist had no idea how to tell her she was in the wrong kind of chair for a software update.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

Imagine her surprise when they handed her a toothbrush instead of a tech manual. Next thing you know, she’ll be asking the eye doctor for some Wi-Fi contact lenses.

Survey Says… Nope!

Yo mama’s so clueless, she managed to flunk a survey. That’s right—she turned a “Yes or No” quiz into her own personal pop quiz failure. Who knew multiple-choice could be so challenging? Even the survey company is rethinking their career choices after reading her answers.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she failed a survey.

They just wanted feedback, but she turned it into a cry for help. Next time, maybe she’ll try open-ended questions. Or, you know, avoid surveys altogether.

Bigger Than the Bus Stop

Yo mama’s so massive that when a bus collided with her, she didn’t even flinch—she just looked around and asked, “Who threw that rock?” The bus driver, meanwhile, is still in shock therapy trying to process the whole ordeal. Was it a collision or an immovable object paradox?

Yo mama’s so fat, when she got hit by a bus she asked, “Who threw that rock?”

We’re talking Newton’s laws of motion, totally rewritten here. The bus? Dented. Yo mama? Barely bothered. She’s convinced it was just a neighborhood kid with a slingshot. Poor bus never stood a chance.

Mind Over Hair

Yo mama’s so bald, it’s like she’s got a crystal ball on her head. Who needs to guess her thoughts when her scalp is practically an open book? You could swear you see today’s grocery list and her plans for world domination all right there, shining under the light.

Yo mama’s so bald, you can see what’s on her mind.

Forget hats, she just wears sunscreen and transparency. At this point, if she ever had a secret, we’d all know about it. Her mind? Clear as day. Her hairline? Nowhere in sight.

Living Large… Outside

Yo mama’s house is so small, even the pizza delivery guy was confused. He took one look at the place, then at the large pizza in his hands, and just left it by the door. Apparently, it’s a “take-outside-only” situation whenever she orders more than a single slice.

Yo mama’s house is so small that when she orders a large pizza, she has to go outside to eat it.

Who needs dining space when you’ve got the great outdoors, right? She’s basically turned “al fresco dining” into a lifestyle. Good thing she doesn’t order garlic breadsticks too, or she’d have to eat them in the neighbor’s yard.

The Ultimate Classroom Companion

Yo mama’s so fat, she turned assigned seating into community seating. Imagine being in a classroom where you’re *always* sitting next to her, no matter where you are. Teacher tried to give her a desk, but eventually just gave up and listed her as “general seating.”

Yo mama’s so fat that when she was in school she sat next to everybody.

Class photos must’ve been an ordeal. Forget “front row, back row” – she *was* the row. If you were lucky, you might even get to sit “next to” her, two desks down. At least nobody could claim they felt left out in her class!

Phone Plans Just Got Complicated

Yo mama’s so big, she needs an international plan just to hold a conversation with herself. One minute she’s over here, the next, she’s a mile away, struggling with that echo. “Can you hear me now?” takes on a whole new meaning with her around.

Yo mama’s so big, when she talks to herself it’s a long-distance call.

If she ever gets an argument going, the phone companies are gonna cash in. Imagine the roaming charges! Honestly, it’s probably cheaper if she just sends herself a postcard.

Shoe Shine Out of Sight

Yo mama’s so fat, shoe shine appointments are a true leap of faith. She’s handing over those bucks, hoping that the shoes down there are actually getting polished—but she’ll never really know. Trust issues? Maybe. Blind faith? Absolutely.

Yo mama’s so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it.

Imagine the poor shoe shiner. He’s doing his best work, throwing in a spit shine and everything, knowing the masterpiece is all for his eyes only. At least he’s got job security—she’ll never know if he skips a spot.

Beyond the Point of No Return

Yo mama’s so fat, even scientists are scratching their heads trying to measure her. Circumference? Outdated. Her sheer presence has redefined geometry and, apparently, astrophysics too. Anything that gets too close? It’s gone. Not even light can escape—she’s got her own gravitational pull.

Yo mama’s so fat, she doesn’t have a circumference. She has an event horizon.

Think of it as less “walking down the street” and more “warping space-time.” Friends trying to call her from across the room get sucked into the void, doomed to orbit her forever. They say curiosity killed the cat, but in this case, it’s her event horizon doing all the work.

Welcome to Hufflepuff-cakes

Yo mama’s so fat, the Sorting Hat didn’t even hesitate—it just went straight to “House of Pancakes!” She’s not getting spells or potions; she’s getting a breakfast platter. Imagine everyone else getting assigned to Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and there she is, holding a syrup bottle with a Hogwarts crest on it.

Yo mama’s so fat, the sorting hat put her in the house of pancakes.

Forget wands; her magical artifact is a spatula, and her Patronus is probably a stack of blueberry pancakes. At least she doesn’t have to worry about the Forbidden Forest. The only forest she’s interested in is the one made of whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate syrup.

Elf Awareness Mix-Up

Yo mama’s so short, she walked into Santa’s grotto hoping for a photo and some candy canes, but Santa just handed her a toy hammer and told her to get back to the workshop. The elves have been putting in extra hours, and apparently, Santa thought she was their newest recruit.

Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.

She tried to explain she was there for holiday cheer, but Santa’s already assigning her shifts in the doll assembly line. Guess she’ll be making toys till New Year’s. At least the uniform is festive, right?

Self-Defeating Art

Yo mama’s so ugly, even her portraits have had enough. You know it’s bad when a still-life is contemplating its life choices. Each time someone tries to hang her portrait, it just quietly unties itself, opting for a peaceful descent over eternal display.

Yo mama’s so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but apparently, hers just says, “Nope.” Those frames spend more time on the floor than on the wall—seems like even the nails in the wall are considering retirement.

Lost and Not Found

Yo mama’s so stupid, she took “losing her mind” as a literal situation. There she was, opening drawers, looking under couch cushions, and even peeking into the refrigerator, like it might’ve been hiding next to the milk.

Yo mama’s so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

She even asked for directions, like the mind is something you just stumble upon by accident. If only common sense came with a GPS—she might still be out there wandering the neighborhood, asking strangers, “Have you seen my mind anywhere?”

Fashionably Fracked

Yo mama’s so fat, she turns every sidewalk into an untapped oil reserve the moment she steps out in heels. It’s like Texas just discovered its newest oilfield—right underneath those Louboutins.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Forget digging wells; oil companies are probably tailing her around town, hoping she’ll take a few extra steps. She’s not walking the runway; she’s walking the pipeline, turning every strut into black gold territory.

Double-Sided Wake-Up Call

Yo mama’s so fat, she doesn’t need to decide which side of the bed to wake up on—she’s already on both. Every morning, she’s got all the angles covered, feeling like both a morning person and a night owl simultaneously.

Yo mama’s so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Why settle for just one side when she can conquer the whole mattress? Her “bedside manner” is less about picking a side and more about making sure no part of that bed feels neglected.

Mirror, Mirror, Please Don’t Look

Yo mama’s so ugly, even her reflection can’t face the truth. Every time she looks in the mirror, her reflection ducks like it’s dodging a bullet. Self-preservation instincts kick in at the speed of light—literally.

Yo mama’s so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, her reflection ducks.

It’s like her reflection has a sixth sense for survival, flinching before she even gets close. Mirrors are out here developing reflexes they didn’t know they needed, just trying to make it through the day.

Shower Problems on Another Level

Yo mama’s so fat, even a shower can’t cover all her bases. While most people leave the shower squeaky clean from head to toe, her feet are just out there dry and confused, wondering if they’re even part of the experience.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.

Imagine the showerhead doing its best, giving maximum effort, but it’s just physics, folks. Gravity simply can’t pull that water down far enough. Her feet haven’t seen a drop since 1997.

The Ultimate Low-Effort Hairstyle

Yo mama’s so lazy, she’s taken “blow-dry” to a whole new level. Forget the salon—she’s got a DIY technique that involves a car window, a windy day, and zero effort. Why bother with hairdryers when Mother Nature’s got your back (or, in this case, your bangs)?

Yo mama’s so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it.

Just imagine her cruising around the neighborhood, nose stuck out the window, hoping for a gusty forecast. The neighbors think she’s just sightseeing, but nah, she’s getting her ‘do done on the breeze’s dime. Now that’s innovation in laziness.

Remote Work? More Like Remote Snooze

Yo mama’s so lazy, she’s turned the commute from her bed to the laptop into an Olympic-level procrastination event. The alarm rings, and she’s like, “Eh, five more minutes,” as if her boss is waiting on the other side of a continent instead of a 10-foot hallway. By the time she logs on, half the day is gone, and she still hasn’t left her pajamas.

Yo mama’s so lazy, she has a stay-at-home job and still is late to work.

Honestly, who knew it was possible to be late to work when the “office” is literally three steps away? Maybe she needs a map, or perhaps an airlift. Either way, she’s single-handedly redefining “work-from-home struggle.”

Tech Troubles: Health Edition

Yo mama’s so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she whipped out her credit card and went straight to Best Buy. She thought a new laptop with upgraded antivirus software was the cure she needed. Forget vaccines—she’s looking for the latest in “virtual immunity.” Guess she figured if Norton could handle her emails, it could handle her immune system too.

Yo mama’s so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

Meanwhile, she’s at home, disinfecting her Wi-Fi router, just in case the “virus” spreads through the internet. Little does she know, all she’s really catching is a lesson in technology (and maybe a hefty credit card bill). Science class wasn’t her strong suit, clearly.

Heavy Heart, Heavier Consequences

Yo mama’s so fat, Cupid needed industrial-strength arrows just to get her attention. But when she finally fell in love, the whole thing collapsed faster than an inflatable mattress with a leak. Turns out, love wasn’t prepared for that level of commitment… or weight-bearing capacity.

Yo mama’s so fat, she fell in love and broke it.

Rumor has it, the poor guy’s still recovering from heartbreak, but it’s the emotional fractures that’ll take the longest to heal. Next time, maybe she’ll fall for someone more resilient—like, say, a steel beam or a reinforced concrete wall.

Traffic Circle of Life

Yo mama’s so fat, when she decided to cross the street, drivers didn’t stop—they just slowed down and merged around her. By the time she made it to the other side, a whole new intersection had formed, complete with road signs and yield lines. Urban planners were taking notes.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she crossed the road people mistook her for a roundabout.

Somewhere, there’s a GPS voice shouting, “In 100 feet, take the exit around Yo Mama.” Let’s just say she left an *impact*—on both city traffic and everyone’s commute time.

Priceless Artifact Alert!

Yo mama’s so old, she strolled into an antique store, and the owner immediately started polishing her for display. One of the customers was overheard asking, “Is she from the Victorian era, or are we talking ancient Rome here?” Let’s just say she nearly ended up with a price tag and a “Do Not Touch” sign.

Yo mama’s so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn’t let her leave.

They even started dusting around her and discussing shipping rates. The only reason she got out? Someone recognized her from Bingo Night. Close call for an ancient artifact!

When Financial Literacy Hits Rock Bottom

Yo mama’s so financially clueless, she actually thought selling the house was a clever way to pay the mortgage. Let’s just say her banker was speechless, trying to explain that “paying” usually means keeping the roof over her head… not handing it over to someone else entirely.

Yo mama’s so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.

Somewhere out there, a real estate agent is laughing all the way to the bank. Meanwhile, yo mama’s out here wondering why she’s got a pile of cash but nowhere to sleep. Guess she’s got a “home-free” lifestyle now!

World Currency Holder

Who needs an international bank when you’ve got pockets with separate currency zones? Yo mama’s carrying her own foreign exchange market. Half of her wardrobe is basically an investment portfolio at this point.

Yo mama’s so fat, she keeps quarters in one pocket and yen in the other!

Forget trips to the currency exchange. Just reach into one side for some yen, the other for quarters, and bam—you’re set for whatever country you end up in. She’s the only person we know who turns an outfit into an economic powerhouse!

Sweeter Than Sugar

Yo mama’s sweetness levels are so off the charts, her coffee actually tastes sweeter without sugar. Baristas see her coming and consider rebranding her regular order as “Café au Sweetness.” Honestly, it’s like her smile could flavor your morning brew.

Yo mama’s so sweet she takes her coffee without sugar.

Why add sugar when she’s basically walking Splenda? Next time you’re short on dessert, just invite her over for a chat. With sweetness to spare, yo mama’s single-handedly keeping dentists on high alert for potential cavities!

Dial-Up Disguises

Yo mama was so scary as a kid, she didn’t even need a costume on Halloween. Word got around, and soon neighbors were saying, “Look, just call us. You don’t have to show up.” And so, she’d ring them up with a “Trick or treat!” from a safe distance—because even the candy didn’t want to take any risks.

Yo mama’s so ugly, when she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.

Forget face paint or monster masks; all she needed was a good landline connection. She’s the only kid who perfected “phone phobia” way before caller ID even existed. If that isn’t a Halloween legacy, what is?

Coverage by the Pound

Yo mama’s so massive, her health insurance company had to think outside the box. Regular policies? Please—she qualifies for group insurance all on her own. They had to file her paperwork under “bulk coverage.” Talk about getting more for your money!

Yo mama’s so fat, she gets group insurance.

Instead of asking about her pre-existing conditions, they just asked for a headcount. She’s the only policyholder who comes with a “family plan” by default. Forget single premium; she’s got a membership card that reads “all-inclusive.”

The Real MVP

Yo mama’s so nice, she juggles three jobs, a family, and still somehow manages to squeeze in time for you. Does she have a secret stash of extra hours in the day or just a superpower called “Mom Magic”? Either way, she’s defying the laws of time management and making everyone else look bad.

Yo mama’s so nice… she works 3 jobs and still makes time for you.

Between her 5 a.m. shifts and midnight side gigs, she still asks *you* how your day went. Let’s be real—she’s not just holding down the fort; she’s building it, painting it, and adding new floors. Give her a trophy already!

Sky High Ratings

Your mama’s so big, the scale had to call in the Federal Aviation Administration for backup. On a scale of one to ten, she’s an entire Boeing 747, cruising at 30,000 feet with in-flight snacks and everything.

Your mama’s so fat, on a scale from one to ten, she’s a 747.

Forget a regular seatbelt—she needs a full runway just to take off. And don’t even think about “carry-on” baggage; this is more like “cargo hold” territory. She’s got that first-class presence, alright, but you might need to upgrade to a bigger plane.

Beachfront Property Alert

Your mama’s so hefty, she’s got her own gravitational pull! Every time she strolls onto the sand, the tide just can’t help but rush back to say hello. Forget the moon’s pull on the ocean—she’s Mother Nature’s new tide setter.

Yo mama’s so fat, every time she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Local surfers and seagulls keep an eye out for her beach days; after all, who needs a tide schedule when she’s around? Just tell her to bring an umbrella and maybe a couple of lifeguards for good measure!

Bubble Wrap Parenting at Its Finest

Your mama’s so protective, she practically wrapped you in Band-Aids straight out of the womb. You thought they were part of your skin until kindergarten. Any bruise, scratch, or imaginary danger? She’s already got you covered like a pint-sized mummy.

Yo mama’s so protective, she covered you in Band-Aids before you got the boo- boos.

She’s got Band-Aids for every occasion—Disney characters for minor scrapes, glow-in-the-dark for nighttime “accidents,” and waterproof for when you’re just *thinking* about the pool. At this point, you’d probably need a Band-Aid to take off all the Band-Aids!

When Royalty Gives Back

Yo mama’s so poor, even those infamous Nigerian princes feel bad for her. They’re not emailing her to ask for help; they’re sending her funds—no strings attached. They must’ve seen her bank balance and thought, “She’s the one who needs rescuing!”

Yo mama’s so poor, Nigerian princes wire her money.

Forget spam filters; her inbox is just a VIP section for foreign aid. The irony? She might be the only person on the planet who’s actually getting cash from these “royals” without a single Western Union receipt in sight. Talk about flipping the script!

The Commute of a Lifetime

Yo mama’s so big, getting to her good side feels like a cross-country journey. Two buses, one train transfer, and you might finally reach her “Hello, how are you?” zone. They say love requires effort, but this is more like a full-blown travel itinerary.

Yo mama’s so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

By the time you get there, you’re practically jet-lagged. Google Maps doesn’t even have the route, and Uber was like, “Nah, we don’t go that far.” Honestly, you could visit three time zones faster than it takes to find her compliment-worthy angle.

Sugar-Coated Snooze

Yo mama’s so clueless, she thought a sprinkle of sugar on the bed would lead to sweet dreams. I guess she figured that if dessert works for the taste buds, it should work for the REM cycle too. Who knew bedtime was just missing a dash of granulated bliss?

Yo mama’s so dumb, she put sugar on the bed because she wanted sweet dreams.

In her defense, it probably smelled nice… right up until the ants arrived for their midnight snack. At this rate, she’s one step away from trying whipped cream on her pillow for that extra “fluffy” feel.

The People’s Mama

Yo mama’s so classless, she’s basically living the socialist dream. Why bother with bourgeois norms when she can spread the wealth of, well, zero decorum for all? Karl Marx would be proud—she’s taken “class struggle” to a whole new level.

Yo mama’s so classless, she’s a Marxist utopia.

Forget dividing lines; with her, it’s all equal footing… on the lowest common denominator. If “everyone’s a comrade” had a spokesperson, she’d be waving the flag. And let’s just say, it’s a pretty casual flag—probably tie-dyed and a bit wrinkled.

Penny-Pinching Mama

Yo mama’s so poor, even attention is out of her budget. She’s over here dodging eye contact and hoping no one asks her for her two cents—because let’s face it, she’s barely got one.

Yo mama’s so poor, she can’t even afford to pay attention.

Forget cashing in on wisdom; she’s just trying to keep focus on layaway. At this rate, she’d have to take out a loan just to listen in on a conversation. Her wallet might be empty, but her ability to zone out? Priceless.

Analog Mama in a Digital World

Yo mama’s so dumb, she strolled right into the library asking where she could check out Facebook. She even brought a library card and everything, just waiting for the librarian to hand over the “Facebook section.” Let’s just say she left disappointed.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.

She probably thought “liking” a page involved sticky notes, and she keeps refreshing the card catalog for updates. Someone please tell her that the “cloud” isn’t located in the reference section—before she tries to print out a selfie.

Face-Down Dental Drama

Yo mama’s so ugly, her dentist had to innovate a whole new approach to oral hygiene. The minute she walked in, they just pointed her to the chair and gently said, “Please, lie face down.” You’d think they were giving her a back massage, not a filling.

Yo mama’s so ugly, when she walks into the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Forget the mirrors—those went straight to storage the second she booked an appointment. Rumor has it, even the X-ray machine has its limits. But hey, at least she leaves with a sparkling smile… nobody actually has to see.

Back from the Beyond… Just to Chat

Yo mama’s so chatty, she couldn’t let a little thing like her own funeral stop her from having the last word. Just as the service started, she popped up, grabbed the mic, and said, “Now hold on, I’ve got a few things to say!” Turns out, eternal rest just wasn’t in her plans.

Yo mama’s so chatty, she gave a eulogy at her own funeral.

Family and friends came prepared to mourn, but ended up hearing her three-hour, unfiltered “highlights reel” of life. By the end, even the Grim Reaper was checking his watch. They had to reschedule the burial just to give her time to wrap up.

Big Dreams, Bigger Screen

Yo mama’s head is so massive, her dreams come with surround sound and concession stands. Every night, she experiences cinema-quality adventures, complete with a pre-roll ad for popcorn and a booming narrator’s voice: *“In a world… where your mama’s head is the main attraction…”*

Yo mama’s head so big, she dreams in IMAX.

Forget regular REM cycles—she’s got an IMAX screening room in there. And let’s be real, with all that space, her dreams probably have their own VIP section. Good luck finding a pillow that can handle that premiere-level production.

Boomerang Belt: The Ultimate Fashion Statement

Yo mama’s so well-rounded, getting her belt on is basically an Olympic event. Forget regular loops; she just hurls a boomerang and hopes it makes it all the way back around. It’s both a wardrobe essential *and* an upper-body workout—who knew accessorizing could be this intense?

Yo mama’s so fat she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

At this point, she’s practically an Australian legend. They say every boomerang she throws returns with a “snug fit” and a little more sass. And hey, who else can say they’ve mastered both fashion and aerodynamics?

Universal Occupancy

Yo mama’s so all-encompassing, she’s basically a cosmic certainty. NASA’s still calculating her influence on the galaxy, but rumor has it they had to expand the universe model just to fit her in.

Yo mama’s so fat that the probability of her being in any arbitrary point in space is 1.

Forget Schrödinger’s cat; the real quantum mystery is how yo mama can simultaneously exist in every point in space. Some say she’s redefined “omnipresence.” Others are just hoping she doesn’t disrupt the gravitational balance.

Visionary Tech Purchases

Yo mama’s so tech-challenged, she thinks “eye” doctor is the place for Apple products. She showed up at the optometrist ready to compare models, and probably asked how much the 20/20 vision upgrade costs.

Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.

Imagine the eye doctor’s face when she started asking about memory capacity and Face ID. Let’s hope she didn’t ask if the glasses came with a data plan.

Toothpaste or Butter?

Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow, they’ve got margarine companies jealous. Every time she smiles, people start looking around for a breakfast buffet — gotta make sure the toast is ready.

Yo mama’s teeth so yellow, I can’t believe it’s not butter.

Honestly, at this point, the only “whitening” she’s getting is if someone spreads a little jam on there. Maybe it’s time to switch from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter to I Can’t Believe It’s Not Plaque!

Extra Saucy

Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu. That’s right — she’s pumping straight marinara through those veins. Doctors are baffled, but Olive Garden’s considering her for a lifetime supply.

Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Forget red blood cells; she’s got red sauce cells. If she ever cuts herself, all you’ll need is a plate of pasta to make it a full meal. It’s like a family-sized serving of Italian flavor…but with extra pulse.